The Crush Dissector

So what would you give?

To have that one guy who takes your breath away, who invades your dreams, whose face serves as a calorie counter, who turns you into a secret stalker, who makes your normally working brain into mushy gooey nonsense, who takes over all 5 senses at once, whose one sighting the whole day makes the damn day perfect.

What would you give?

Anything , right? Absolutely anything. Such feelings seldom come in life and when they do, they do take up a lot of brain space. I, in general had to clear out mine so here you go a ramble on the strongest crush in my entire life.

Now you needn't know who he is, where he is, how he is. That Is my business strictly!! This is a ramble just to showcase the similar feelings of thousands of girls at various points of time. :D

I will not go as far as to say he is the love of my life, hell I didn't believe in the love nonsense till  yesterday! But yes, this particular specimen of the male species has taken a lot from me. He is not perfect. But he is perfection for me. It is said once you have a crush on someone, you notice the minute details, my guy has the most sparkly eyes on the planet! When he smiles his eyes crinkle up at the corners and that is so damn cute. He is so jolly, so cheerful brightens my darkest mood. He is a class apart with the cutest not-so-perfect teeth ever.

God I sound like a hormonal teenager!

I used to pride myself as the girl who is not effected by the romantic aspects of life. I liked being the sensible not-crazy, not-fangirl to anyone. (Jenson Ackles and Ian Somerhalder do NOT count, they were born to be worshiped  :P) And I loved the control I had over my brain. Don’t get too attached has always worked well from me. I have moved around a lot in life, I have always had to let people go. I had to let go of the best boyfriend a girl could get because I had to move across continents. And I handled all that pretty well. I was a strong, independent, determined girl.

I can't say the same now. Its worse when people you know, people you hang out with have a huge thing for your guy(fine, crush) too!! Never have I ever had so many murderous thoughts for friends! :D But that is secondary, in the end I am a girl, I do think things, over think things. The ‘what if’ scenarios can be so brutal.

What if he falls for my friend instead, What if he comes to me and asks for my friends number, what if I add him on Facebook and he declines the request, what if I wave and he ignores, the list is endless and yes I do torture myself and keep making up these images in my head. You are probably thinking now what an insecure and sad little girl I am. But its not that. Hell, if he can't like me for what I am and I have to change myself then he is NOT worth a single brain cell of thought. Its just something many people go through. Now if he wasn't a crush and a regular guy, I could have marched up to him and talked without a damn care in the world. The stupid stupid emotional limbic system of mine has ruined my life.

Maybe I should get a limbectomy or something.

Moving on, all I can say is that I try to make up the best of the sad situation I am in. which is getting rid of the things I don’t like in me. I have this theory that if I don’t like something in me then I have to assume that the other person might not/will not either. It gives me a sense of confidence.

On that note, I shall go Facebook stalk him a teeny tiny bit more. I am back and alive again, will provide more snippets and insides of  my med school life on a more regular basis.

One fine day!!! \m/

Ps- I CANNOT believe it took a damn crush on a damn amazing guy to make me blog post again. After almost a year.