He Said

The shadows were leaping out around my table as I sat sipping Earl Grey,
From the Shadows a voice calls out to me,
A voice I know so well,
A voice that makes me weak,
A voice I crave the most,
May I have your number, he says,
I look up at the face to the voice,
A million emotions threaten to burst my heart,
A million replies I am thinking through,
A million affirmatives echo through my soul,
Yes you may, I say
I await a napkin, a paper, a note,
In my excitement the century I live in was lost,
Hand me your phone, he says
He swiftly saves his and takes mine,
I look at his face scrunched up with concentration,
Fighting the urge to stroke perfection,
He hands back my phone with a brush of his fingers,
I thought electric jolts were fictional but the crackling static at my fingertips said its real,
As he stood to leave I finally looked down to my phone,
This can't be, this wasn't supposed to be,
I looked up at him and a shade of darkness falls over,
A darkness I know will bring me no good,
The phone kept flashing, Your Biggest Mistake.

Music, Medicine and Musings.

Do you ever judge a person by their taste in music?

Death Metal - disturbed people

Country – peaceful people

Jazz – classy people

Blues – sad people

Bollywood – dreamy people

Honey Singh – Punjabi people

Yeah, the list pretty much goes on. I never thought about it, but now that I pen this down, it’s true; lots of people do judge others according to their music taste. To some extent I will admit I still do. Like, dating a death metal guy is a roller coaster ride. What people think about them is pretty much true. Seriously. Just leave them with their own kind. No offense death metal lovers.

But now, I have realized it’s unfair. Because I like so many genres it made me wonder how people would judge me. I have come to the conclusion that it all depends upon the mood. I have my quiet moody moments with Coldplay and Norah Jones, my country moments with Keith Urban and Blake Shelton, my club and house music moments with Flo Rida and Swedish House Mafia, my classics moments with Beatles and Lata Mangeshkar, my fun with friends moments with Honey Singh, my exam moments with Dream Theater and Porcupine Tree, my girly feels moments with Taylor Swift and Christina Perri and Avil Lavigne, my soothing moments with Ed Sheeran, my Assam love moments with Zubeen Garg and Papon and Whoa that’s a huge list of moments.

I guess I am not classy for the lack of Jazz in this list of mine. I cannot describe myself as a hardcore fan or something like that for all these artists and bands as I haven’t followed them from the beginning or have posters of them or worship them or know their life histories. But I can honestly say I love their music immensely.

Okay steering back to course, how on earth will someone judge a person like me?(I assume there are lots of people who like a variety of genres like this). Good music, bad music, trashy music, crap music, why bother labeling the music or the person. If that particular kind of music lifts your mood, makes you happy, makes you sing along, then no one has any right to call it trash. Classic example would be Justin Beiber. That poor guy has been really harshly targeted. I am not a huge fan of his work but I won’t say its crap either. (yes I am a closet Baby listener).

Music has the ability to make the burdens of the world feel lighter. It takes you to an alternate world where everything is okay.  It’s true when they say the lyrics make sense when in love. The lyrics also make sense when heartbroken. They make sense when depressed, they make sense when exhilarated. Music is directly connected to our souls and when the emotions are heightened it works its magic.

When things go really bad and you need an out, listen to Fix you by Coldplay. That song has magic healing properties I swear.

When matters of the heart trouble you, Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey. Such powerful lyrics.

When optimistic and full of hope Imagine by John Lennon and Paradise by Coldplay. These songs never disappoint.

And in my opinion the ultimate song a guy can dedicate to his girl is Cinema by Benny Benassi. It shows how versatile a girl can be and how versatile and interesting love can be, almost brings out the latent romantic in me.

Hey there Delilah will always be a favorite, for so many reasons. At some point or another in life someone special has mentioned this song and will always have such fond memories.

And then there are those songs which you can’t bear to listen to anymore because you to associate someone then special with that song. That is a list I would rather not tell. Such power lies in music, that one tiny note of those songs can rip open a healed wound or a scar or a bruise.

Being a medical student I would also mention that Music and Medicine is an integrative forum for clinical practice and research related to music interventions and applications of clinical music strategies in medicine.

This month’s issue has two fascinating case studies.

1.        Effects of Music Intervention on Patients Undergoing Hemodialysis in the Bangkok Metropolitan Administration Hospitals

The purpose of this study was to compare the effects of live music or music listening interventions on pre- and post-measures of patients' blood pressure, pulse rate, pain, and anxiety. The results showed significant improvements in blood pressure and pulse rate and statistically significant reductions in pain and anxiety for patients in both music interventions

2.        A Pilot Study on the Effects of Orff-Based Therapeutic Music in Children With Autism Spectrum Disorder

This study was conducted to determine the effectiveness of Orff music therapy on social interaction, verbal communication, and repetitive behavior of children with autism. Five children with autism who had no previous experience in music or play therapy were recruited. Social interaction, verbal communication, and repetitive behavior of the participants were scored pre- and post-intervention (Orff music therapy) using Autism Diagnostic Interview–Revised. The mean scores of social interaction were 26.60 and 14 before and after therapy, respectively (P < .001). The mean scores of verbal communication and repetitive behavior was reduced significantly (P < .05). The reduction in the scores indicated a good outcome. All participants improved significantly in their social interaction and verbal communication. The Orff music therapy also helped to decrease their repetitive behavior.

On that slightly deeper knowledy note, I sign off.

PS- Needless to say exams are 28 days away and I am stressed. Hence the ramble.

Beat those Blues

Who doesn't get screwed up by life from time to time?

Everyone does. Difference being some may show it some do not.

So , my point being, do you feel blue more often than necessary?

Because I certainly do.  There are stretches of days on which I simply do not get out of my bed or my ‘bat cave’ as my best friend likes to call it. And to tell you the truth it’s the unhealthiest way to combat the blues. (No, I will not call it depression, that sounds scary. )

In medical school, feeling blue and underachieving may be a common phenomenon. Now that undergrad is coming to an end, post grad seems to be like this huge hole I am about to plunge myself into and never find the ropes of getting out. It’s does look like a very dampening future ahead.

But that is just my point of view. In general I am not so much of a happy person. Its just too much of energy being all smiley and cheerful. I like my brooding self and there are only a handful of people whose presence can make me less brooding. So being the dark angsty person I have had a fair share of being blue and bed ridden and can honestly give a worthwhile suggestion.

First of all face your damn fears. Make a list of things that bother you. It may be about yourself or someone else. If the someone else is bothering you so much, cut them off. There is no point in keeping a friendship or a relationship which takes up too much of your time and energy. These relationships are supposed to make you feel the world is not so bad after all, that you can get through bad times, that you can share your problems and not have to face them alone. Hell we have parents, let us leave the judgment and complicated stuff up to them! (I adore my parents, just saying) Seems harsh right? Well then You Only Live Once, don’t let any scumbag spoil it for you.

Now comes the more important part. Are you bothering yourself? Is the thing that annoys you to hell inside you? Then my dear reader I have the most apt and excellent quote for you :

“If you want to kill yourself, kill what you don’t like. I had an old self that I killed. You can kill yourself too, but that doesn't mean you got to stop living.

- Vargus, Archie’s Final Projectk

Trust me, this quote has helped me live through each day one at a time at one point of the darkest times of my life. Which, obviously I am not at all proud of.

Secondly, stop comparing your life with others. I know, that is so much easier said than done. Its human nature to compare and compete. Give it a try though.

I know, I am really not the ideal person to be dishing out the manual for combating blues. But I would like to leave with on the note, let me be in my darkness, my black world, for it takes a black velvety dark sky to show the brightest shiny stars. 

The Crush Dissector

So what would you give?

To have that one guy who takes your breath away, who invades your dreams, whose face serves as a calorie counter, who turns you into a secret stalker, who makes your normally working brain into mushy gooey nonsense, who takes over all 5 senses at once, whose one sighting the whole day makes the damn day perfect.

What would you give?

Anything , right? Absolutely anything. Such feelings seldom come in life and when they do, they do take up a lot of brain space. I, in general had to clear out mine so here you go a ramble on the strongest crush in my entire life.

Now you needn't know who he is, where he is, how he is. That Is my business strictly!! This is a ramble just to showcase the similar feelings of thousands of girls at various points of time. :D

I will not go as far as to say he is the love of my life, hell I didn't believe in the love nonsense till  yesterday! But yes, this particular specimen of the male species has taken a lot from me. He is not perfect. But he is perfection for me. It is said once you have a crush on someone, you notice the minute details, my guy has the most sparkly eyes on the planet! When he smiles his eyes crinkle up at the corners and that is so damn cute. He is so jolly, so cheerful brightens my darkest mood. He is a class apart with the cutest not-so-perfect teeth ever.

God I sound like a hormonal teenager!

I used to pride myself as the girl who is not effected by the romantic aspects of life. I liked being the sensible not-crazy, not-fangirl to anyone. (Jenson Ackles and Ian Somerhalder do NOT count, they were born to be worshiped  :P) And I loved the control I had over my brain. Don’t get too attached has always worked well from me. I have moved around a lot in life, I have always had to let people go. I had to let go of the best boyfriend a girl could get because I had to move across continents. And I handled all that pretty well. I was a strong, independent, determined girl.

I can't say the same now. Its worse when people you know, people you hang out with have a huge thing for your guy(fine, crush) too!! Never have I ever had so many murderous thoughts for friends! :D But that is secondary, in the end I am a girl, I do think things, over think things. The ‘what if’ scenarios can be so brutal.

What if he falls for my friend instead, What if he comes to me and asks for my friends number, what if I add him on Facebook and he declines the request, what if I wave and he ignores, the list is endless and yes I do torture myself and keep making up these images in my head. You are probably thinking now what an insecure and sad little girl I am. But its not that. Hell, if he can't like me for what I am and I have to change myself then he is NOT worth a single brain cell of thought. Its just something many people go through. Now if he wasn't a crush and a regular guy, I could have marched up to him and talked without a damn care in the world. The stupid stupid emotional limbic system of mine has ruined my life.

Maybe I should get a limbectomy or something.

Moving on, all I can say is that I try to make up the best of the sad situation I am in. which is getting rid of the things I don’t like in me. I have this theory that if I don’t like something in me then I have to assume that the other person might not/will not either. It gives me a sense of confidence.

On that note, I shall go Facebook stalk him a teeny tiny bit more. I am back and alive again, will provide more snippets and insides of  my med school life on a more regular basis.

One fine day!!! \m/

Ps- I CANNOT believe it took a damn crush on a damn amazing guy to make me blog post again. After almost a year.